Source: The Stanford Daily (Stanford University’s Student Daily)

Well, i did think this article rather insightful, so am posting it here.

BY: E. BLAIR LAING
PUBLISHED: MARCH 11, 2009

True Life: “I’m Bisexual”

We all recognize the label bisexual, and most of us are familiar with terms like fluid and queer. But what about pansexual? Bi-curious? Hetero or homoflexible? What does it all mean?

We’ve heard the stereotypes about bisexuality, particularly in relation to women — it’s just a phase, they’re just sluts, they’ll grow out of it or that bisexuality is just a stepping-stone on the way to accepting homosexuality. But are these stereotypes true?

SOCIOLOGY

The results of a 2008 study done by Professor Lisa Diamond of the University of Utah showed that bisexuality is not merely a “transitional stage” for women, but is in fact potentially a “third orientation.” This study may reflect what some of us already believe, but sociology’s understanding of sexuality, particularly bisexuality, is still rough.

“The deep question underlying any study of sexuality is where do we get our sexual orientation,” said sociology professor Paula England. “And that is too big of a question.”

England believes that both genetics and society may have their influence.

“There may be a lot of people who, based on their biology, could be bisexual,” England said, “but because of culture they end up heterosexual.”

DOUBLE STANDARD

“Kissing girls is something I do for the same reason I do a lot of other things — it’s fun,” said Taylor ‘10. “I don’t think I have to be bisexual because of what I do, or a heterosexual-gone-wild. I’m just sexual. And happy.”

In society today, it is becoming more and more common — and acceptable — for women to kiss each other and claim to be straight. In fact, it is something of a fashion statement at the moment for women to kiss other women or be bisexual. And men often think it is ‘hot.’

However, it is very rare to see men in the same situation. Take, for example, the bisexual doctor 13 on “House,” or the lack of bisexual men on “The L-word,” a TV show about an LGBT community in Los Angeles.

“A lot more women than men identify as bisexual,” England said. “Why that is is a whole other question.”

England’s personal theory relates to the changing nature of gender roles. It is now more acceptable for men and women to do the things that the other gender traditionally did. However, the push is stronger for women to adopt male roles, as female roles were often portrayed as inferior.

“For women to want women as an object of sexual desire is kind of doing what men have always done,” England said. “But it is much more stigmatized for men to be bisexual. There is a little more permission in the system for women than men.”

BIVERSITY

Chrysanthe Tan ‘10, along with girlfriend Alexis Ortega ‘09, is the current co-president of Biversity, the Stanford group for both men and women who identify as bisexual. As someone who struggled with her own sexual identity, she has had to come to terms with many of the stereotypes surrounding bisexuality.

“Bisexuality can be a stable identity — it is not necessarily just a stepping stone,” Tan said, “although lots of people do go back and forth on the Kinsey scale.”

The Kinsey scale is one of the simplest scales for determining sexuality. Everyone is assigned a number from 0 to 6, with 0 being purely heterosexual, 6 being purely homosexual, and 3 being equally heterosexual and homosexual, or bisexual. A term such as homoflexible would refer to people who identify as mostly homosexual, but are somewhat fluid, or a 4-5 on the Kinsey scale.

So much of the discussion surrounding bisexuality sounds very abstract and technical — the numerical scales, sociology and evolving gender roles. What effect do these studies and stereotypes have on the people around us, the people who might be less — or more — than straight or gay?

TRUE STORIES

Chrysanthe Tan ‘10

Tan had been attracted to girls since kindergarten, but had always assumed this was normal and had heard bad things about bisexuals. The first time she kissed a girl, she was 16 years old and had a boyfriend. Then she met a girl at camp.

“Growing up, I assumed I was going to be straight,” Tan said. “After the first time I kissed a girl, people were pressuring me to identify myself. I thought that every girl has this phase, and that I just needed to get it out of my system.”

She ended up deciding she would allot herself a certain number of kisses with the girl, then stop. Unfortunately this didn’t work, and she was almost kicked out of camp. She has since had a boyfriend who knew she was bisexual and was okay with it, and is currently dating girlfriend Ortega, who is also bisexual.

“I feel like I’m still figuring all of this out every day,” Tan said. “Every now and then, I’ll be attracted to a guy and remember that it’s not so simple. I want to keep supporting the bisexual identity.”

Alexis Ortega ‘09

Ortega’s story is a little different.

“I think I’ve always had some sort of idea that I wasn’t entirely straight,” Ortega said, “but I was busy with other things.”

In high school, she had a boyfriend when she realized she was starting to like her best friend, a girl.

“That was the starting point,” Ortega said, “but I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to be bisexual.”

After this, Ortega went through an anti-girl period, until dating Tan at Stanford.

“I use bisexuality as something to help explain my identity,” Ortega said. “I think you can switch at different points in life.”

Casey ‘10

Casey is another openly bisexual woman at Stanford.

“I never thought I was a lesbian because I was always attracted to men,” Casey said, “although I had lesbian Barbies as a kid, and that should have been an indicator. I have self-identified as bi since I was 16.”

Casey’s first kiss was actually with a girl, although she has explored sexual relationships with both genders.

“I sort of discovered myself with my foreign exchange student in high school,” Casey said. “You always wonder if it’s a phase. However, I eventually began to think that everyone is bi. There is a sexuality spectrum, and few people are actually completely at one end or the other.”

Since coming to college, Casey has mostly had relationships with men.

“Part of it is that there are so many more opportunities with guys,” Casey said, “although when I am with one for too long, I miss the other.”

Kelly ‘10

So far, Tan, Ortega and Casey have all been women who have been openly bisexual for a number of years. Kelly, however, is a woman who only recently came out publicly.

“It’s all really recent for me, so I’m still trying to figure it out,” she said. “The reason I came out as bi is because I can see myself dating both men and women. I self-identify as a lover.”

Kelly had been in a long-term relationship with her boyfriend of many years when they broke up this year. Prior to coming out as bisexual, she had only dated men and had never really worried about publicly labeling herself as bisexual.

“I’ve only dated guys before, but I’ve always kind of known I was bi,” Kelly said. “I never really thought it was an issue because I dated guys, but it started bothering me more and more.”

Kelly recently went on her first date with a girl, and has yet to come out to her parents, although she has come out on campus.

“I’m afraid to tell my parents because I’m afraid they’re not going to believe me,” Kelly said. “We’re really close, but the ‘it’s just a phase thing’ is a little intimidating.”

Robert ‘11

Robert is a man who hasn’t yet come out officially, either to his family or friends, although he has told some people that he is not quite straight.

“If you had to give me one label, I guess bi would be the best,” Robert said.

He first began to suspect that he wasn’t completely straight when he was 16. He had befriended another guy on his swim team, when he started to realize that he paid more attention to the friend than the friend paid to him.

“I knew something was up and I started to wonder,” Robert said. “That was disconcerting. Then I wondered, so if I’m not totally straight, what are my options? Does that make me completely gay? Maybe these feelings aren’t genuine?”

He continued to fluctuate in his attractions, and later had a crush on a woman on his same swim team.

“I still haven’t settled on bisexuality,” Robert said. “If you’re in the middle, you don’t know; it’s case by case.”

Robert has had his first boyfriend since coming to Stanford, but has still not decided to officially come out as bisexual.

“There were moments where I was like ‘that’s okay, you think I’m gay, whatever,’” Robert said. “I’m really concerned with the question of how the world beyond Stanford will view [me]. I’ve known men who have been scared into pretending to be straight.”

Biversity Members

People have differing views on whether they are willing to let other people assume they are either straight or gay, depending on their current relationship.

“You only observe the relationship people are in at the time, not the whole spectrum of their relationships,” said a female member. “It always feels like I’m hiding something when I let people assume I’m lesbian, like I’m back in the other closet.”

“I had a girlfriend in high school that was involved in the gay community,” said a male member, “who didn’t believe that bisexuality was real. I never told her.”

“When talking about exes, I just use non-gender specific pronouns,” said a different male member, “to avoid coming out to everyone.”

DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER

Even while self-identifying as bisexual, many bisexuals feel uncomfortable about advertising their orientations. Many prefer to blend in based on their current relationships. However, the fact that someone is in a relationship with either the opposite or same sex does not automatically mean they are straight or gay.

“Don’t conflate behavior with identity,” Tan said. “It is also important to differentiate between bisexuality as an act and as an identity. It is not necessarily a stopping point, although it is a legitimate orientation.”

“There are some who identify as bisexual now who may be pushed by social pressures to heterosexuality,” England said. “But for some, it is a permanent identity.”

Due to the sensitive nature of the subject of this article, most interviewees asked to remain anonymous. Taylor, Casey, Kelly and Robert are pseudonyms.

Tags: homosexuality, sexuality, society, USA